Hi! You are reading a page which containing some Russian funny adds. They are from our collection. We translated them for you. We found them in different kinds serious Russian papers, where people can publish their advertisings. Those adds you will find in that page was published somewhen for not making fun! But... you may read yourself :))

Funny adds about Love & marriage

A friendly, tactful, handsome, educated and interesting Muskovite of 48 years old, having good sense of humor and no bad habits or serious problems will meet a woman with curves or other merits.

I’m free and ugly 38-year man without Moscow residence. Looking for a pretty girl with model parameters under 35 or a silly, illiterate business lady over 45 abusing of drinking and smoking and available to support me, for love and romance. Apraksy Poligraphovich.

Days are grey and dull and I go sick of it so much. Call me up to dispel the gloom.

Dear lady! Life is wonderful, but you lack something anyway. May be, your heart wants something more – and, may be, it’s me? Ivan, 24/177/90/, Capricorn.

Mary, 18 лет. I’m looking for a smart and stylish young man of Scandinavian type, tall and blond. But what’s the difference after all? I’m a blue-eyed blond, my height is 6 foots.

I’m looking for a girl-friend for my 25-year son Yevgeny. He studied in Britain, now lives in Ukraine. Yevgeny has kind heart and no bad habits. Contact me at phone number in Germany.

An ad from an Israeli newspaper: An Israeli gentlemen of 48 will meet a slim lady from 20 to 40. The purpose of the acquaintance will become clear during our second date.

A smart, pretty and employed Jewess of 50 from Stuttgart. I agree to move to a foreign country or to America.

A 40-year lady from Moscow; I’m having not a mansion, but a flat, not a car, but a vehicle VAZ by name [Russian car] and no bad habits; live with my daughter and my dog. I prefer kind men.

A small grey hare is looking for a red fox from 30 to 45.

My address is the same and I’m still lonely. I brought a small crocodile from Africa. Now it lives in my Mercedes garage. It takes feed from women’s hands only! Save us! Take pity on the crocodile!

A tall, handsome and educated man of 28 will meet a kind and beautiful hospital nurse.

Funny adds about Sex:

Coming jointly and alone,
Coming and pouring out from without,
Coming and start it again without bolting sexual bolt,
Coming from hand and tongue and expect for bliss from each other.
Come off, my dear friends!
We must come off and get orgasms when real life is fool of marasmus! - A married couple of 40, bisexuals with a great experience in bi-plays invite women and married couples from Moscow to enjoy bisexual communication. Waiting for your frank letter and picture.

I’m looking for a well-to-do lady, not fat, but with a solid bum for super intimate relation. I need a lady that cannot think about anything except intimate relation! A guy of 28, Moscow.

A tall Muscovite of 30, a highly educated man with sense of humor and versatile interests will meet a well-groomed and well-to-do lady from 35 to 45 for lechery, sadomasochism and civilized leisure.

Family idyll led by Alexandra, mother-in-law having a G bra size.

A guy of 23, looking for boyfriend 18 years

A man of 55 looks for a sexual penpal, an emancipated woman of any age. I’ll tell you in details with whom and how I used to fuck.

If you really nice and young, we can try.

I’ll realize any of your fantasies if you’ll pay for a taxi.
Afraid of big penis, dear? My little friend and I will give all you wish. I’m independent, lonely man of 52, honest, kind and intelligent.

You got tired of loneliness and misunderstanding, ready for love, sex and friendship. You want to give me a blow job, anal sex and kiss me passionately.

My wife has left for two days. Hurry up!

Funny adds about Jobs:

A foreigner of 33, oligarch, former policeman is looking for elder friends, policemen, to discuss job in Spain, all costs at my expense.

Looking for a position of secretary with meeting service. Sex minorities are not acceptable.

Two different ads from the same man:
- Masseuse for work at sauna, a girl of 18-25, clean and slim, urgently.

- Household helpmate, a girl of 18-25, clean and slim, urgently. Comfortable conditions and accommodations provided.

Lazy-bones, 600 rubles a day.

To get rid of Fear No1. Do you want it?

The only right job! A top-manager wanted. Bonus – real estate in Moscow.

Kind distillers.

I invite all complete idiots for cooperation! You will never regret it!

If you’re sure you have several lives, do not call us, jobs $300-$2,200

Girls for erotic job wanted. High compensations for apt things.

An ad from an Israeli newspaper: A nurse to old people’s home wanted (not a Jewess)

Free life and decent old age! For indefatigable retirees. Simple and profitable business, free schedule, benefits.

For the congruent, high education, $500.

Womanish boys wanted for interesting job wanted.

Funny adds about Services

Any kind of massage by hands and other body parts

Lust spell. I can change your destiny.

Global problems solving. www.apokrovskiy.ru

A lonely Jew migrated from the West offers English lessons on new method, FREE.

Writing book of any kind for you, on behalf of you. Leave your trace in history!

I will tell to everyone who needs money where money deposits are available and how to get access to them.

If you want to keep fit... A highly educated man, specialist in physical training offers professional Thai massage for men, women and couples. We can make nu pictures together and make an intimate hair-do. If you have a home training apparatus, we’ll study a system of fitness training. If you have a swimming pool, I’ll learn you and your children swimming and tempering procedures. I can conduct my sessions naked as you wish.

Currant of grape size, raspberry of tomato size.

Correction of wrong data in different documents.

An artist. You’re beautiful for good and for the sake off; a portrait is not just an image for life is changing. Keep your history by expert’s hands. Try on your granny’s dress. Old-fashioned portraits by your photo today.

Return your husband within an hour.

Assistance in getting slim of putting on the weight. The method is long and systematic for wrong starvation diet “eats” about 99 percent of your brain. I’m neither physician nor dietitian, but I reached some results and have some records.

Loaders. We can do everything.

A parking man of 25-40 years. Handsome! Educated, with good, IQ, modest and with good-mannered.

Wanted:

I cannot do that. Teach me, please. This f****n astral realm, I cannot enter there!

A Club of New Cosmic Consciousness for people strived to getting the truth, self-perfection, loving and believing in higher mind to create an Eggregore of light, exchange knowledge and joint creative and leisure projects.

A frizzy bitch wearing long fringe and beard got lost on New Year’s Eve. Reward.

Have you ever seen how milking machine milks cows? Do you want it to milk you? I’m looking for associates make such a device.

Looking for a woman to settle. A Muscovite.

I’m not a glass wearer, the rest characteristics are normal. On Fridays I drink beer and start singing after drank too much of it. I like playing air hockey, work much and like watching movies on weekdays. Looking for a partner for air hockey because my girlfriend throws beer mugs at me when she loses. I’d like to have more safety relationship.

For sale:

I must be sold! A flat of 3,5 rooms in Maala-Adumim, the third floor, conditioner, balcony utility room. Price is really good!

A hutch for iguana Iguana as a bonus!!!

Dachshund puppies from elite bitch.

Methods by mail: TV antenna (covers everything), sound bait of 150-m radius, U.S., a lot of devices from improvised means, your portrait on T-shirt, perpetual bulb etc.

Horse manure packed in sugar bags, 25 rubles.
Cigarette ashes, 2,5 kilos. Expensive.

Funny adds about Exchange:

I’ve been mistakenly prescribed the following medicines: mexidol, aminalon, triftazin, cipralex and lipoic acid; all the medicines are disposable for service. If you need these medicines, I can exchange them for something.

I’ve got a wonderful computer table, but it’s impossible to ride on it unfortunately. So I’d like to exchange it for a bicycle.

Thanks for visiting my page of Russian funny adds! New Russian fun will be soon! :))

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